


Shaken/Stirred

by meansgirl



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-23
Updated: 2010-05-23
Packaged: 2017-10-09 16:30:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/89426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meansgirl/pseuds/meansgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lorne fills in for a local bartender. Unabashed porn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shaken/Stirred

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scheherezhad](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=scheherezhad).



> Written for scheherezhad for help_haiti. Beta read by the lovely kisahawklin.

The bar was situated conveniently between a streetcar stop and the hotel where most of Atlantis’ crew was staying while they waited to get back on their city and get the hell off Earth.

Evan, for one, couldn’t wait to get back to Pegasus. He had expected to miss Earth more than he actually did after he stepped through the wormhole that first time. Sure, he missed his family but that was pretty much where it ended. He got as many communications in to his mom and his sister's family when it was possible, and they sent him millions of emails which he usually got in huge bundles via databursts. A few days after Atlantis touched down off the coast of San Fran, Evan had gone to see his mother and spent a week on leave, letting her make him breakfast and tease classified information out of him in creative and roundabout ways. If things went the way they seemed to be going, and the expedition remained grounded for a while, Evan planned on flying out to see his sister, play with the kids for a few days and buy them outrageous gifts at Toys R Us. 

He suspected that once they got back up and out of this particular galaxy, the only thing tugging on his heart strings would be the distinct lack of his mother within reach, an hour on the street car away, and the ease of booking a flight to see his sister. It would be fine, though. Wraith to kill, Sheppard’s paperwork to do. Things would be busy, and Evan wouldn’t have as much time to think about what he did and did not miss, and he certainly wouldn’t have time to get roped into stupid shit like _this_. 

Evan had grown fond of the bar, sure. It had become the place of choice for the Atlantis folks, a happy hour spot after long and tedious meetings at the temporary HQ the SGC and IOA had set up a short streetcar ride away. The happy hour usually turned into happy hours and hours and hours, until more than one perfectly respectable engineer and many a usually-quiet infirmary nurse went a little overboard and had to be carried home to the hotel. 

As a result of all the carousing the Atlanteans did there, the bar staff had gotten to know some of them. Evan had started getting along with Marisa, probably the coolest bartender one could ever hope to meet, originally because she reminded him a lot of his best friend in high school. His best friend, Leigh, had had four tattoos before she turned 18, a nose piercing he’d dubbed “wicked” in the tenth grade the day they cut class so she could have it done, an iron stomach, and _serious_ girl troubles. 

Marisa had all of that, right down to the troubled girlfriend, and more in the cool department. She was smart, too, and wily. She’d sweet talked Evan into _this_ after all. The girlfriend drama had somehow turned into Marisa needing to fly out to Baltimore, or some chilly east coast city, Evan really hadn’t understood half of what she’d told him because the details got lost in the midst of all the “Please, Lorne, it’ll be so fun!” and “You’re so cute, they’ll tip the shit out of you.” 

Before Evan knew it, he was agreeing to be a guest bartender for a night. Apparently, Marisa couldn’t find anyone who actually worked at the bar to cover her shift. Also, Evan was a huge sucker.

It was fun, he had to admit. It was Friday and the place was packed before eight, and Evan remembered why he’d liked bartending when he was younger. Lugging buckets of ice up from the basement cooler was still a pain in the ass, the lemons still stung the cut on his finger after the knife slipped the wrong way, and cleaning under bar mats was still really, really gross. But as Evan hurried from one end of the bar to the next, taking orders, filling them, smiling and accepting tips, joking with Mark the barback and watching everyone have a good time--he was having fun. 

Around nine a bachelor party came in. It was a bachelor party for two guys and the bar was a riot of rainbow boas and, to everyone’s amusement, inflatable cartoon penises. The group was a grab bag of ages, races and styles; there were couples straight and gay and uncategorized, singles and threesomes and foursomes of girls and boys in drag or not, in silly wigs, carrying on, and they were all having such a _blast_. God, Evan really loved San Francisco. He remembered more things to miss about a place like Earth and slid a pint glass down the bar.

“My God,” said a man with a deep tan and an expensive looking haircut as he leaned over the bar to give Evan his drink order. “I would do things to you you’ve never dreamed of.”

Evan let out a surprised laugh and shrugged, “I don’t know about that, my dreams get pretty freaky. What can I get you?”

“You with a little umbrella and a twist of lime.”

A throat cleared somewhere to the right and both Evan and the tanned man turned. 

“Radek!” Evan grinned, “What--”

“He’s not available,” Radek said to the man with the tan, friendly enough but with definite steel behind his words and _whoa_.

Evan wanted to say it was cool, Radek didn’t need to save him from Mr. Hawaiian Tropic. He could totally handle it but...well, it was kind of _hot_.

Tan guy looked from Evan to Radek and back, clearly skeptical and with an ounce of distaste for the scientist. Evan felt a flare of possessive rage. _You don’t get to look at him like that, asshole_, he thought, then schooled his face into something neutral, and let his hands loosen from the tight fists they’d formed at his sides.

“Sorry,” Evan told the guy, shooting Radek a smoky look he hoped was convincing. Must have been, because Radek blinked at him before smiling and looking away with a light flush staining his cheeks. It was cute. He’d have to make sure he gave Radek the real thing later. Right now he had to get rid of this jerk. “I’m kind of involved. I can get you a drink though. No umbrellas on hand, but I can do the lime.”

Tan guy sighed, clearly disappointed. He grudgingly gave his order, “Gin and tonic, hold the lime. Thanks.”

Down the bar, the engaged couple was kissing to a swell of cheers and catcalls. Evan got the guy his drink and let out an exasperated breath as the jerk cast Radek a final once-over and a dismissive eye roll before disappearing into the crowd.

“You didn’t have to do that, even if it was kind of ridiculously sexy.” Evan said to Radek. He checked up and down the bar, making sure everyone was taken care of for the moment. He leaned on the bar in front of Radek. “Thanks, though.”

“I didn’t like him _leaning_ at you like that,” Radek muttered. “Why are you behind the bar? That’s a bit unusual, isn’t it?”

Radek was still a bit pink. Evan shrugged. “I got roped into it by a really pushy girl. Leaning, huh?”

“Ah. The girl with all the--” Radek gestured to his face, indicating Marisa’s piercings. 

“That’s the one. Nice girl, kinda forceful.”

Radek snorted, “And you, _Major Lorne_, couldn’t defend yourself?”

“Nope. I’m a sucker, which you should know considering all the times I’ve let you off the hook on those trips to Kid Planet. Be right back.” Evan jogged away to take care of a few patrons on the other side of the bar. When he came back he had a vodka on the rocks for Radek. “Anyway. Here, drink this. Leaning?”

“Yes,” Radek nodded and took a long sip from the glass. He seemed intent on making Evan wait for whatever he was going to say next. Evan was momentarily distracted by the way Radek licked excess moisture from his top lip before setting the glass down and playing with the condensation on it, his finger drawing gate symbols in the dripping beads of water. “There was _leaning_.”

Evan lowered his voice, “And?”

Radek’s eyes flicked side to side. Evan knew he was making a quick check for any expedition members who might be there to overhear. “And only I get to lean at you,” He murmured. He leaned against the back of his barstool and brought his glass up to his lips. “When do you get off?”

Evan’s jaw worked but nothing was coming to mind at the moment, nothing except the way Radek’s lower lip pressed against the sweating rim of the glass. “Uh. If I don’t walk away from you in thirty seconds? Right the fuck now.” 

“You have new customers, anyway.” Radek told him, his eyes wicked behind his glasses.

Jesus, Evan was in for a long night, because when he looked down the bar he saw what seemed to him like half the Atlantis expedition pouring through the door--his god damn CO at the head of the crowd with McKay and Ronon.

“Ronon in jeans.” Radek mused, “Not bad.”

Evan shot him a mock glare. “Eyes to yourself there, Doc.”

“Mm. Better go tend to them.” 

Evan hoped to god no one could tell he was hard when he went stiffly over to greet his colleagues.

As a chorus of “Lorne!” “What’re you doing, where’s--?” and “Can you get me free drinks?” met him, Radek slid quietly from his barstool and disappeared into the crowd.

  
Evan loaded the last of the bar stragglers into a cab. One of them was a waifish girl in a pink mini dress, a “Maid of Honor” badge pinned crookedly to one of her spaghetti straps. Her date carried her beaded stilettos for her and the maid of honor’s bare feet were still kicking joyfully out of the open cab door when the other woman turned and tipped down the front of her fedora. 

“Thanks for helping with her. She’s kind of a handful once she gets a few drinks in her.”

Evan shrugged. “Seems like a fun girl. Great maid of honor too, I saw her break up the drag queen stripper fight thing and I doubt the grooms even realized anything was wrong. Really takes her duty seriously.”

Fedora-woman laughed and pointed to her own pin, affixed smartly to the pinstriped vest Evan _wished_ he was suave enough to pull off. “Best Man,” she said. “I hired the drag queen strippers. I take mine seriously, too.”

“What are you _doing_ out there? Get in the cab, I wanna go get pizza!”

Evan backed up and flicked a lazy salute to them both. “The lady demands her pizza.”

He watched them play fight over the back seat of the cab, the blond stealing the fedora away and demanding a kiss. A little jealous, Evan waved them off and watched them drive off into the wee hours of the morning. He wondered if Radek would be waiting for him at the hotel or if he had gone to bed by now while he made his way back into the bar where Mark was finishing the clean up.

“Your friend’s waiting for you in the back booth. I can finish up here.”

Evan raised an eyebrow and checked the back of the bar. Sure enough he could make out the back of Radek’s head, the shadowy lines of his shoulder and arm and, under the light of the stained glass hanging lamp, his hand swirling his glass in circles across the table. The last he’d seen of Radek, he’d been sending Evan a wry grin and a tip of his glass as a drunk bachelor draped a rainbow boa around his neck. That had been, what, two hours ago?

“Thanks Mark,” Evan said, and handed over the tip jar. He waved off Mark’s protests, didn’t say anything about combat pay but assured him he really didn't need it. “I had too much fun, it’s fine really.”

Mark didn’t thank him profusely, which Evan appreciated, and he went to retrieve Radek.

“Didn’t know you stayed. I’m ready to split if you are.”

Radek looked up, and Evan figured if a person could make you come in your pants with a look, if that kind of thing were even possible, this would be that look.

“Holy shit, what’s gotten into you?” Evan wondered out loud, amazed.

“Your room or mine?” Was all Radek wanted to know as he tipped back the last of his drink--definitely his third or fourth, but probably he hadn’t had more than that. Evan had experienced this kind of slightly drunk Radek maybe twice before since they started sleeping together and oh, it was going to be an interesting night.

“Whichever one is fewer steps from this bar,” Evan told him as they emerged out of the sticky air of the bar and into the foggy night.

“Mine, then. Walk faster.”

The door to the room slammed shut behind them and Evan found himself swiftly shoved against it, an armful of Czech scientist pressed fully against him, mouth working at his neck, hands working at his belt and fly.

“Seriously, people need to hit on me more,” Evan gasped out. “In front of you, I mean, if you’re gonna get all--”

“Shut up, please,” Radek said, in the same tone of voice he used when working on an important database translation in the labs of Atlantis. Evan shut up, not wanting to distract Radek from getting him out of his jeans.

Radek slid down to the floor and helped Evan out of his sneakers and socks, then tapped his calf to get him to step out of his jeans. Evan wanted to haul him back up and get some of Radek’s clothes off but Radek _clearly_ had other ideas because before Evan could do anything his dick was surrounded by wet heat. 

“Holy mother of--nngh!” His head fell back, hitting that little sign about fire evacuation posted on the hotel room door. It hurt vaguely but--whatever--he was getting a blowjob, one that was already shaping up to be the best of his_life_. Radek’s hands held his thighs, pushing him back against the door and keeping him still.

The same tongue that shaped unrecognizable words when Radek was furious or excited or, Evan knew, when he was coming, traced circles around the head of Evan’s cock, then swirled down the shaft while his lips stretched, sucked, pulled.

“I’m not gonna last like this, you know,” Evan panted. “I mean...if you have any plans other than killing my brain by--”

Radek pulled off. “Oh, I have plans.”

Evan yanked his t-shirt over his head and pushed off the door as Radek rose to his feet. “Alright, then. Wanna tell me about them?”

Radek’s mouth twitched in a little smile before he leaned forward, one hand stroking up and then down Evan’s cock, cupping his balls and then sliding back to caress lightly around his hole. “I’m going to fuck you blind, then we go to sleep, then we wake up and order room service, and then I am going to do it again.”

Evan swallowed, nodding fast, “Oh yeah, I can get on board with that. Really good plan.”

“I know,” Radek said. “Now come over here.”

He took Evan’s hand and led him into the room, positioning him a few feet away from the foot of the bed and not, to Evan’s surprise, not on it. “Turn around, face the wall.” 

Oh, it was like _that_. Evan obeyed, turning around, away from the bed. Radek pressed against him from behind, still fully clothed. The shirt he was wearing was soft, a little bit silky even, and the buttons were cool against Evan’s bare back. Radek kissed his neck while his hands slid down Evan’s arms to his hands, bringing them up and placing them flat against the wall.

“Don’t move.”

“Wouldn’t dare.” 

Radek nipped at Evan’s neck, drawing out a little squeak and then a moan when his tongue flicked out to soothe the sting. Evan shivered, hard, when Radek’s mouth closed over his pulse point and sucked. Then Radek’s lips were gone, letting the air chill the tiny spot and Evan shivered again.

Evan didn’t move, instead letting his weight settle onto his hands, bending his elbows so his forearms and forehead could rest against the cool wall. He could hear Radek undressing, clothes hitting the ground wherever he tossed them, and then the sounds of the beside table opening, things being taken out, the drawer snapping shut. Radek dropped something on the tiny table to Evan’s right and then his lips were against the back of Evan’s neck again.

“You looked good tonight.” Radek whispered just below his ear. “More jeans on Atlantis, I think. They do wonders for you, really.”

“Yeah well, denim is kind of a good look on you, too.”

Radek’s fingers skimmed Evan’s ribcage, coming around to tease his nipples hard. Evan arched into the touch, starting to worry about how long Radek was going to draw this out. He was already vibrating with it, the need to come, to make Radek come, to do _something_ but Radek just kept _talking_.

“It’s no wonder that man hit on you. I watched you all night. A lot of people watched you, too. Do you notice that? That people look at you?”

Radek’s hand slipped down to tease between the cheeks of Evan’s ass. Evan took in a breathed in, sharp.

“Well?” Radek prompted. “Do you?”

“N-no. Not really. Just you. I noticed you watching.”

“Mm. Good.” Radek kept one hand against Evan’s chest while the other reached to the table to grab the bottle of lube. Evan heard the lid pop off, then both of Radek’s hands were busy for a moment and while they were, Radek let his cock press hotly against Evan’s ass. 

Evan hummed in approval, pushing back. Radek licked a stripe from Evan’s shoulder to his ear, biting his earlobe lightly. “Be patient.”

“Patient is my middle name.”

“Ha.”

The lube was back on the table and Radek moved the lower half of his body away from Evan, replacing it with his slicked fingers, teasing only a little before one slipped almost all the way into Evan’s ass.

“Did you know I was going to do this?” Radek asked, casually, as he pressed the finger just that little bit further. “Were you expecting to be fucked? What did you imagine? Hard and fast? Slow? Did you stay hard all night, waiting for it?”

Evan didn’t really have anything to say to that, because his brain was finally broken and Radek was sliding a second finger into him. He whined and pressed back against the fingers. 

“I won’t make you answer that,” said Radek graciously. He scissored his fingers a bit. His other hand came around, grasping Evan’s dick at the base. He was hard as a rock and ridiculously close, he realized. He tried to thrust into Radek’s hand. Radek mouthed his shoulder and said, “Don’t come yet.”

Radek crooked the fingers buried in Evan’s ass and twisted them, brushing hard against Evan’s prostate on the way out. Evan jerked, pushing his cock through the circle of Radek’s fingers, which squeezed. “I’ll...try not to.”

“Not try. Don’t. Come.”

“Uh huh, yeah. Got it.”

Radek withdrew his fingers, and released his hold on Evan’s dick. Evan could hear him tearing open a condom and rolling it on, the indrawn breath as he stroked himself with a lube-slicked hand. His fingers pressed back in a moment later with more lube on them, making sure Evan was good and prepped before one hand pressed against the center of his back and the other tugged on his hip, pulling him back from the wall a bit.

“Move for me, Evan. That’s it.”

Evan’s hands slid down the wall as he bent over further, shifting his feet further apart. His arms ached a little from holding them up, but he ignored the minor strain as Radek pressed his slick cock into him, slow past the initial resistance and then he stopped. Evan pressed back with a tight groan. “Yes,” he hissed. “More, all the way, Radek_please_”

It barely stung, more like a low burn as Radek pushed all the way in until he was balls-deep, thighs and hips flush with the back of Evan’s legs and ass. Radek leaned forward, placing one hand against the wall beside Evan’s, the other stroking Evan’s arm, his side, his chest, slipping down to cup his dick as he pulled out a little. Evan made a noise completely lacking in consonants and nearly unrecognizable as his own voice as Radek shoved back in, hard, then pulled out and repeated the hard thrust again and again, rocking Evan up onto the balls of his feet.

Evan tried to match the rhythm, giving back as good as he was getting, but it wasn’t easy. He could barely breathe for trying to hold back, to keep himself from coming even as Radek started stroking his cock mercilessly, fucking him deeper, slower, hitting his sweet spot every single time. Evan could barely see, wasn’t sure how long he could hold himself up against the wall. His hands were sweaty and slipping down the wall, his knees were buckling. His arms were starting to shake.

“Shhh,” Radek soothed, pulling out and wrapping his arms firmly around Evan’s torso. “We’ll move now, miláčku, let’s go.”

Evan let Radek tug him back and drag him onto the bed to arrange him on his side. Radek was hot and slick with sweat and lube behind him, his hand slipping a little on the back of Evan’s knee as he drew it up, spreading Evan open and then sliding, effortless and this time completely painless, back into Evan’s ass.

“Fuck, fuck--” Evan gasped. He had a free hand now, the other useless since his arm was trapped under his head. Radek found that one with his own, wrapping his fingers tight around Evan’s wrist. 

“Use your other hand on yourself,” He muttered roughly into Evan’s ear and Evan did it, not needing to be told twice because right now he _really_ needed to come. “Good, good, just like that--”

And then all Evan knew was Radek was talking, but he didn’t know the language, and this was a good sign because it meant--yes, there, Radek was fucking him hard, fast, grunting into Evan’s hair and bruising his wrist with fingers holding on too tight and Evan was finally, finally coming, all over his own hand and up onto his chest, his body rocking with it, eyes squeezed shut and mouth open, soundless.

“Good, good, good--Evan--”

“Yeah,” Evan ground out, “Yeah Radek, do it, come for me. Come on, come on--”

Radek let go of his wrist, hand scrabbling for Evan’s fingers so Evan caught them, laced them together and pulled Radek’s arm down and around him, threw his leg up and over Radek’s hips, effectively wrapping them together for the last, bed-shaking push before Radek was freezing and coming, nonsensical words and rush of heat and hot bursts of breath scorching over Evan’s shoulder.

Radek moved a little, sliding in and out just a couple more times, slow and lazy, before slipping out and getting rid of the condom. Evan was still catching his breath, sprawled on the bed with his arms and legs out, letting the air conditioning dry the sweat off him. A towel materialized out of nothing and Evan let Radek clean him up, but took the towel away and tossed it off toward a corner as soon as he was sure he wouldn’t be waking up in the morning with dried come flaking grossly off his chest.

“Come down here and kiss me, would you?”

Radek made a happy noise and complied, licking along Evan’s jaw and then into his mouth. Evan pulled him down, kissing him back sloppily. When they pulled away he said, “Possessive, much?”

“I’m not possessive. Just...inspired.”

“Huh.” Evan reached over and turned off the lamp. “Inspired. Okay, if you say so.”

“I do.”

“Gotta pass out now. Room service when we wake up.”

“You remember the plan?”

“Oh yeah, I remember the plan.”

Evan woke up to his cell phone ringing. When he didn’t find it on the bedside table and realized whose room he was in, he groaned. “Radek...”

“Mmphgrrlph.”

“Radek where’s my phone?”

Evan peeled himself out of bed, trying to follow the sound of the ringer to wherever his jeans ended up the night before. “Rade-ek!”

“I don’t know where it is, do not answer, come to bed, and no more talking.”

Evan found his jeans and the phone, shooting Radek a glare. The other man had pulled a pillow over his head. “You’re real helpful in the morning, have I ever told you that.”

“Mmmph.”

Evan sighed and answered the stupid phone.

“Hey, handsome! How did last night go?”

“Marisa? It’s like seven in the morning. It’s still last night as far as I’m concerned.”

Marisa giggled on the other end, “Oh, sorry, time zones! I totally forgot. So hey, it looks like I’m gonna be here a little bit longer so I kind of need another favor from you.”

Evan sighed, “You want me to bartend again, don’t you?”

Radek tossed off the pillow and sat up, nodding his approval. Evan cocked an eyebrow in his direction, and Radek just held up his hands: What can I say?

“...well just one more night, come on I bet you got lots of tips didn’t you? Evan? I said, didn’t you?”

“You know what, yeah. Sure. I’ll do it.”

Radek gave him a thumbs up before burrowing back under the covers.

Marisa thanked him about twenty times before he could hang up. Evan dropped the phone back into his pile of clothes and stood, considering the lump of sleepy scientist in the bed. He grinned and crept over. He stood there, hands on his hips, and cleared his throat.

Radek peeked out from under his pillow. “Yes?”

“So you have a bartender kink or something?”

Radek shrugged. “Maybe I do, I never thought about it before.”

Evan yanked the covers down and climbed on top of him. He said, “I think you do.”

Radek rocked up against him and said, “I think I do, too.”

Evan grinned and bent down for a kiss, deciding to put off mentioning he was bartending karaoke night, and tried to calculate the odds of getting Radek drunk enough to sing something. Then he decided he was changing their plans. Room service could wait


End file.
